Practical Tips to Ease the Postpartum Adjustment
By Rebecca Plum, CD
Before the Baby is Born:
Use Your Resources
Visit http://www.printablecalendar.ca/ and print out a blank calendar for the month following your due date. If you have a baby shower bring your calendar, and share it with your friends and family when they ask when they can visit and what they can do to help. Have folks sign up for days when they can come see you and the baby, and let them know that signing up for time means they are not going to stay long, they will be folding laundry or loading the dishwasher while they’re there, and they will be bringing you a meal, preferably with enough leftovers for your lunch the next day. People always want a chance to come see you after the birth; Inviting them to sign up gives that visit some structure and boundaries, and ensures that you won’t be using precious energy playing hostess.
Create a Functional Environment
Have a friend or family member that has had a baby within the last few years, or a postpartum doula, come over to help you set up the baby’s area. It is essential to make the diaper-changing, feeding, and sleeping spaces user-friendly so you’re ready to focus on parenting once the baby has been born. Many new parents, recognizing that they don’t yet know what they’ll actually need, throw everything into drawers for later washing, organization and comprehension. If you can meet with someone who’s recently made these discoveries, they can help you recognize what will be useful and what is extra, and together you can create a workable environment that will nurture you as you nurture your baby. For example: Place the clothing you are most likely to use (t-shirts that snap across the front, gowns, footed outfits) in the top drawers of the dresser below the changing pad, so you can easily access what you’ll need most frequently with one hand. If there is no space available below or the drawer is too heavy to open one-handed, hang open sweater shelves nearby, so you can easily reach in for clothing, extra diapers, etc.
Seek Rejuvenation Every Day
Identify what you can do for yourself that leaves you feeling replenished and relaxed. Make a commitment with your partner that each of you will get twenty minutes every day in which to do that activity. Some examples might be a cup of tea and a novel, a phone call to a friend, or even a hot bath! It may not seem like much now, but when you’re exhausted and have been parenting day and night with little time for yourself, a twenty-minute break can make all the difference in the world.
After the Baby is Born:
Sleep When They Sleep
Follow this simple rule: Each day, the baby will actually sleep 16-20 hours. When he or she does this, you may sleep with them, have a meal, or do one “should”. A “should” is anything that you feel you “should” be able to do – write a thank you card, return a phone call, clean the kitchen, etc. If you tell yourself you should be able to keep up with it all, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. If, however, you recognize the intense immersion in parenthood that you are currently experiencing, and give yourself total permission to need lots of nourishment, rest, and emotional support, then you’ll do great!
Accept Support & Tell the Truth About When You Need It
Know that it is perfectly normal and appropriate for you to feel overwhelmed or anxious in the first week or two after the birth, and this will ease as you adjust to your new identity and get to know this new person in your arms. If you are at all concerned that your mood is not improving, if you’re having a hard time sleeping, or if you are feeling scared or uncertain that what you’re experiencing is “normal”, do not hesitate to call someone for a consultation. There are wonderful professionals in your area, and many resources on the internet. Visit www.postpartum.org or www.postpartum.net for support, guidance to local resources, and a community that understands what you’re feeling and is able to help. Do call your medical care provider as well; They know your history and are likely to have resources and insights that others will not. CPMC offers an excellent Postpartum Depression Support Group, as do many other hospitals and resource centers in the Bay Area; Allow yourself to check them out, and give yourself the support you need. If you need help in getting there, ask your partner or a friend, and trust that they will be proud and pleased that you are taking such good care of yourself and your new baby.
Make Nourishment Accessible
When you cook, or if a friend can come cook for you, be sure to freeze leftovers in single-serving containers for easy nourishment later on. Remember, food can also get delivered, and freezing servings of fresh take-out is just as effective!
Let Yourself Know in Your Heart Before You Know in Your Head
Be kind to yourself! Know that everyone is going to have an opinion on how things should be done, and it is virtually impossible to do it right in all of their eyes. What is very possible, and wonderfully empowering and satisfying, is to discover parenting from the inside out. Listen to your instincts, and do what feels right in your gut. Allow yourself to know what your baby is communicating with you even if it doesn’t make sense in your head. Trust that you are the very best fit for this child, and that even if you don’t know everything you wish you did, you’re going to be just fine and they are delighted to be with you!!